Sunday, January 31, 2010


This morning I gave Ela chicken for the first time, mixed with carrots and potatoes and served blended and pureed. She didn't like it. After the third spoon she locked her mouth. No other signs of protest. Just a sealed mouth. Even when I made her laugh she managed to laugh w/o opening it. I didn't insist too much. 15 min. later I added just a little bit of applesauce and tried again. This time I couldn't even make it to the second spoon. Ok..she definitely didn't like it.

Tomorrow I'll try again but if I get the same reaction I will try another variation.

I was thinking about her general development today...physical, emotional, mental...from what I've been reading so far she's pretty much "normal" (I so dislike this word...who exactly decides what's normal??? And besides, isn't it commonly accepted that every child is different?)

She can:

put things from one hand to the other,
use a sippy cup,
grab for toys,
roll over and crawl in circles and backwards (she thinks she's crawling forward and wonders why she can't ever reach the toy in front of her :),
technically sit w/o support but since she can't stand still for two seconds she either falls to the sides or right on her face if I'm not around,
babble all the time (da-da-da, thisssss, ma-ma-ma, galllll...),
understand that she's doing wrong when I say "Nein" in a loud and strict way (she stops whatever she's doing and looks in the opposite direction as if she doesn't know what I'm talking about...usually it's about putting into her mouth that doesn't belong there),
follow pictures and listen to me when I'm reading to her,
accompany me when I'm singing to her by making all kinds of different sounds
and last but not least, she can bite!
She has 4 teeth now and I was kind of expecting a little bite these days but instead of biting me or Alper I was quite shocked to see today that she had bitten herself in her arm! (Like we used to do when we were kids to make a "watch" on our arm..) She did that three times today and I really have no idea how to prevent it!?!?

Here's else I thought about today;

Things I like about Ela:

- her smell
- her smile and the way she laughs
- that she wakes up with a positive energy and greets me with a huge smile every morning
- that she's quite social and hasn't developed a great anxiety towards strangers
- that she's not touchy and doesn't cry unless she's in pain or very very angry
- that she never gave me sleepless nights
- that she allows me to take care of the housework and accepts to sit in her pram or bouncing chair and watch me (I wonder how I'll handle it when she starts to crawl or even walk...)
- that she likes the massage & bath ritual
- that she likes to listen to all kinds of music

Things that are not so nice:

- that she likes to scream when she's happy, esp. when we're out (before I had a child I was quite annoyed by kids that were screaming in cafes or restaurants...) I hope she eventually stops doing that!
- that she still doesn't sleep through the night (still insists on being fed twice and refuses to go back to sleep unless having emptied both breasts)
- that she gets bored by every toy after only 5 min.

And the last thing I want to write about today are her favorite words she likes to hear from me:

- Elacik (meaning 'little Ela' in Turkish...she probably thinks that's her name :)
- Thank You
- Ich liebe Dich / I love You
- Suesse Ela!
- Komm her (when I'm about to take her in my arms)
- Guten Morgen!

Avatar & Thoughts about Smoking

I really fell in love with the movie Avatar I have to say...I loved everything about the Na'vi..their language, their world, their values, their greeting styles, their beautiful appearance, and so much more...the movie also got a lot of support from the spiritual world (eg. ) and created a big discussion on whether humanity is actually ready for contact with other 'worlds.'
But the movie created another not-so-positive discussion on of the main characters played by Sigourney Weaver is constantly smoking throughout the entire movie and although I have to admit that it didn't really disturb me while watching I agree that this feature could've been left out and nothing would have changed. Being quite an anti-smoker myself I would like to have a totally smoke-free environment and I also agree with the critics saying it could be harmful for kids watching the movie. Director James Cameron tried to defend himself, saying smoking was still part of today's reality and movies would reflect the real world rather than trying to give certain messages...ok, smoking is unfortunately still part of today's every day live but come on, do you really believe that while even today smoking is almost banned from all closed areas, a scientist will be able to smoke at her workplace in 200 years from now? How realistic is that??????

Saturday, January 23, 2010

To Ela...

My little baby,

as of today we have spent 38 weeks in one body and 7 full months as mother & child's been an amazing experience so far and I can't even imagine how much better it's actually going to get.
I can't help but wondering why you chose me as your mom...I hope you can tell me one day.
I started to love you the day I found out about you and my love has been growing ever since...every time I look at you I'm fascinated...still finding it hard to believe sometimes that you're actually "mine."
Mein Engelchen, you've already taught me so much...about patience, respect, compassion, sensitivity, sharing, living the present moment, etc...and my aim is to teach you to be good, kind, thoughtful, honest, loving, understanding, respectful, confident and so much more...
When you're old enough to read and understand this, I hope you will look back and say; "I'm glad I chose you."
And please forgive me, in advance, for my mistakes, wrong decisions and unneccesary comments...keep in mind that I tried to do my best and if that wasn't enough you probably have to lower your expectations =)
I promise to protect you, to love you, to feed you, to guide you, to support you, to help you no matter where or when...
I wish you a beautiful life full with happiness, light, love, spirit, laughter, joy, health and miracles.
I love you.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Eckhart Tolle's 10 Powerful Insights To A Happier You

The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances. These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.

1- Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.
2- The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.
3- See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.
4- Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.
5- Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.
6- People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
7- The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
8- Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.
9- You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.
10- If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace .

Exerpted from Oneness with All Life by Eckhart Tolle . Published by arrangement with Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc. Copywright © 2008 by Eckhart Tolle

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Another Baby???

While I was pregnant and during the first few weeks after Ela was born I was so sure that I wanted to have this amazing experience again ASAP...I would have tried immediately if I could...Alper was not very positive concerning a second child but I knew that when the time came and I insisted he would give in and change his mind. Then I stopped thinking about it.

Today I'm not so sure anymore...

Do I really want another baby? Right when Ela is going to be more independent and I could finally focus on myself I actually want to start over? Going back to sleeping rituals, feeding issues, changing nappies...???

It sounds quite selfish when I read this...but being selfish isn't actually the worst thing in the fact, I think that being selfish is essential if you want to be happy. And, of course, make others happy.

Was I subconsciously affected by all these myths about single children? Actually, I don't think so...I don't believe that one has to have siblings in order to become a healthy, social, loving, sensitive and respectful person. In fact, many of my friends were single children and all of them are very nice people =)

Ironically, Alper started to bring this topic up lately...

So..if I had to decide today I probably would say No....but who knows how I will feel tomorrow...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Red cheeks in the evening - Another tooth in the morning!

With the first teeth I hadn't associated her red cheeks on the previous day but Thursday evening when she had bright red cheeks again I knew was coming ;)) ...and in the morning there it of her upper front teeth! She also didn't sleep very well that night...waking up every 2 hours and asking for the breast...I tried to put her down w/o feeding several times but she insisted and interestingly emptied the breast every I wonder if the tooth came together with a growth spurt??? Today I also saw the other front tooth trying to pop out...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

She loved the banana-milk puree :)))

We just tried the new puree and she loved it...maybe because of the milk but I think bananas are going to be her favorite fruit...and the pumping was also no prob...I had enough milk in 2 min :))

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

So far so good...

Today is our eleventh day of solid feeding and it has been going relatively far I've given Ela pears and carrots of which she seems to prefer the pears (probably because they're sweeter) but she didn't reject the carrots either. She's probably not eating more than one full teaspoon but since my main goal at the moment is to introduce these new tastes rather than a proper feed I guess that's ok. Tomorrow I'm planning to add bananas but first I have to pump some milk to make it easier for her to eat...but this whole pumping thing is still making me nervous since last time I tried for an hour and almost nothing came out :(( ...actually pumping has been kind of a problem since day one...I'm glad I never really needed it.

The solid food also improved Ela's bowel movements...whereas before she used to poop every 2 days or so now she does it 2-3 times or sometimes even 4 every day...I try not to praise her while eating so that she doesn't think she eats to please mummy (because when she doesn't want to please me anymore she won't eat..) and I don't turn eating time into playing time. It's not easy since the 'Bravos' and 'Well dones" come out automatically so I basically bite my tongue and keep silent and only make sounds like hmmm and ahhh ;)))

BTW, I've always been very careful with what I ate just in case Ela might be affected and indeed we didn't have any gas or sleeping might, of course, be a coincidence since I know that many experts claim that the mother's diet doesn't have any effect on the baby...but last Sunday Ela woke up during the night for the first time since she was born and couldn't sleep for almost an hour...then I remembered that I had had three cups of coffee (2 of them decaf) on Sunday and also more dark chocolate than I cut the coffee to max. 1 cup a day and she's sleeping through again :)))

Her morning wake-ups are around 07:15-07:30, then she sleeps again at around 10:30, 13:30 and 15:30...our new massage&bath time is 18:45 and by 19:30 she's usually asleep. She still wants to be fed though during the night...I thought after the sixth month she'd be sleeping through w/o needing any feeds but that hasn't happened yet unfortunately...of course it's not the end of the world, she's very fast with the feeding and I can go back to sleep immediately (which I never could before!) I can't really complain. But it would still be nice to have a nonstop 8-hour-sleep =)