Friday, May 28, 2010

Mother Issues

Today I realized that another reason for Ela's clinginess is the need for me to clean the last bits and pieces that need to be cleaned concerning my relationship with my mom.

Normally I never go anywhere with her, just seeing her in the evenings and maybe having one or two not too long chats about general stuff...nothing really personal.

We never had a very close mother-daughter relationship and it improved only when I finally moved out at the age of 22 after huge discussions and even fights.

But this week I had to take her with me most of the time since I didn't want to leave Ela alone in the seat at the back since she was so fussy. And there were some moments where I really had to take a deep breath not to be annoyed or angry with her...and for the first time I kind of managed to control least I didn't react to any of those annoying actions/words/behavior. That's who she is and I have to respect that...nobody has to act according to my desires...she's doing the best she can and acts only out of love basically. I guess her role is to teach me that people no matter how close can have different world views, backgrounds, expectations, beliefs, desires and goals and still love each other very much without arguing over every single conflict of opinion.

I'm glad I finally managed to show this kind of respect.

The last time I saw her last year when she stayed with me after Ela arrived we had an argument before she left and I got rid of the final burdens that were left from my childhood and adolescence...and we needed more than a year to digest this "freeing".

I love you mom. I always did. Thank you for being there for me. I honor and respect you. Thank you for being a great grandma to Ela.

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