Tuesday, August 31, 2010

August Break Day 31 - Finale

This is the last day of August and the August Break project.  I quite liked the August Break idea, it gave me a reason to publish a post almost every day which was also interesting in terms of looking back and recording our daily lives.

Today I also want to write about the book I mentioned earlier 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time' by Mark Haddon.
The book is about a boy named Cristopher (15) who has Asperger's Syndrome. Christopher is the narrator of his own murder mystery novel and I think the Guardian review is so right; it's "a funny as well as a sad book..."
While reading, I realized that I was quite ignorant about this "syndrome." I knew a few things about autism, because there're many foundations (even in Turkey) that try to raise awareness and help & support these kids but seeing the world through the eyes of somebody actually having this "syndrome" was interesting, shocking, informative, educating and thought-provoking.
Christopher hates the colors yellow and brown and avoids them as much as he can (doesn't wear anything yellow/brown, doesn't eat anything, doesn't want to look at anything, etc). He hates lies and thinks even metaphors are not telling the truth, and, therefore, logically, are lies. He doesn't like crowds, busy places and people touching him. He's very good in maths, though. And also physics (he's the only boy at his school for "special needs" who gets an A grade at A-level Maths). That makes one think if this syndrome is actually a right brain/left brain kind of problem (because he also lacks social and emotional skills). ???

Here're some excerpts from the book:

"...it rained very hard. I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty."

"And I like timetables because I like to know when everything is going to happen....
And at the weekend I make up my own timetable and write it down on a piece of cardboard and I put it up on the wall. And it says things like Feed Toby, or Do maths or Go to the shop to buy sweets. And that is one of the reasons why I don't like France because when people are on holiday they don't have a timetable and I had to get Mother and Father to tell me every morning exactly what we were going to do that day to make me feel better."

"And people who believe in God think God has put human beings on the earth because they think human beings are the best animal, but human beings are just an animal and they will evolve into another animal, and that animal will be cleverer and it will put human beings into a zoo, like we put chimpanzees and gorillas into a zoo. Or human beings will catch a disease and die out or they will make too much pollution and kill themselves, and then there will only be insects in the world and they will be the best animals."

"People say that Orion is called Orion because Orion was a hunter and the constellation looks like a hunter with a club and a bow and arrow, like this (image of Orion here). But this is really silly because it is just stars, and you could join up the dots in any way you wanted, and you could make it look like a lady with an umbrella who is waving, or the coffee maker which Mrs Shears has, which is from Italy, with a handle and steam coming out, or like a dinosaur  (image of the dots joined up to be a dinosaur). And there aren't any lines in space, so you could join bits of Orion to bits of Lepus or Taurus or Gemini and say that they were a constellation called The Brunch of Grapes or Jesus or The Bicycle (except that they didn't have bicycles in Roman and Greek times which was when they called Orion Orion). And anyway, Orion is not a hunter or a coffee maker or a dinosaur. It is just Betelgeuse and Bellatrix and Alnilam and Rigel and 17 other stars I don't know the names of. And they are nuclear explosions billions of miles away. And that is the truth."

It might sound ridiulous but when I finished the book I had this strange thought that I might have a very "light" version of this Asperger's Syndrome.
Because 1) I also hate the colors yellow & brown (not that I can't touch anything that color...or wear...but they're my least favorite ones...only brown clothes are ok). 2) I hate crowded, busy places and also people not respecting my personal space and touching me by accident. 3) I was not necessarily brilliant at maths but usually the best in the class. 4) I was not very communicative as a child and wanted to be left alone most of the time. 5) I need my timetables. Otherwise, I feel lost. And I have to admit that this is why I sometimes can't enjoy holidays as much as I would like to. I know that this sounds funny but the degree of how much I related to the boy while reading was much higher than my usual degree of empathy while reading any other book before. Maybe we all carry some of these features in one way or another???
There's also a "spiritual" view, of course. Most articles I read about Indigo/Crystal children claim that there's a connection between the increase of these disorders and the arrival of the 'new' children. Here's one for instance.

What I loved most, though, was the pureness...the naiveness...the directness...and the simplicity.

Monday, August 30, 2010

August Break Day 30 - Long Weekend Pix

After a long weekend in Cesme we came back to Izmir early in the evening and went to Starbucks for a light dinner and coffee...and I experienced something for the first time in my life (that I can remember) and fell (quite badly) onto the ground. Not in a funny, slow-motion kind of way but a very quick and hard one...there's this ridiculously dangerous step at the entrance and I was walking too fast and drinking water at the same time so didn't mind the step and found myself lying on my left side. Everybody around stood up and tried to help..it must have looked worse than it was but I was ok..just very little injuries on elbow, knee and ankle. So funny, I've always tried to avoid to fall down since I hate to attract attention, but it was so surreal I sort of watched myself from above and felt a strange feeling of relief afterwards. As if I needed to be shaken. No photo of this fall I'm afraid..just some Cesme pix:

Sunday, August 29, 2010

August Break Day 28 & 29

This will be a short post without pictures. We're staying at my brother-in-law's tonight and my parents-in-law are here, too, and since I'm not very interested in joining any of the conversations I'm sitting in front of the computer, pretending I'm busy.
Will go to bed soon. Maybe I read another few pages of 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.' More about this book, which btw is a good read, in my next post.

Friday, August 27, 2010

August Break Day 27

Another favorite Friday is about to end...we're ready to head off to Cesme tomorrow morning...this weekend will be a long one since Monday is a public holiday (Victory Day). BTW, Ela's lower pointy teeth have finally popped out which clearly relieved her and turned her into a slightly calmer child.

Wearing mommy's hair band...ready to sleep

Thursday, August 26, 2010

August Break Day 26

Turkish coffee at Starbucks...(not-so-successful) cultural blend ;)

E.'s 1st puzzle
Playtime with friends...she loved the play tent w the ball pool...should buy or prepare our own asap

The Quantum Apocalypse


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

August Break Day 25

Nice not-too-hot day with some chitchat with friends at Starbucks.
Ela's back to her extremely clingy days (how much clingier can she actually get???).
Even at home when we're alone she's literally stuck to me and either wants to sit on my lap or to be held in my arms when I stand up. I find this very similar to having a lover who's so obsessed and wants to be with you 24/7 with constant hugs and kisses and cuddles and so on. This kind of behavior might be ok for a few days if you're also very much in love..but very soon it will definitely start to be annoying. Sometimes I fear that this will never come to an end and Ela turns into one of those kids who cry their eyes out when starting Kindergarten and are mama's kid all the time. A friend relieved me a bit today and said, 'If you give her the attention she wants now, then she won't turn into such a kid...but if you don't then it's more likely she will...and she's still very small..no need to be afraid!' (Thx Alexandra)
E.'s new shoes ;)
more practice...E. keeps 'walking' up and down when at home

more spiritual stuff - The Scalar Wave Energy (by Lauren C. Gorgo)

"...For those of you who are not familiar with scalar wave energy, in my own words, it is the pure energy of Source...of life...the neutralized non-polar (zero-point) frequency of creation from which all matter is birthed...the proverbial divine clay.

According to the Arcturian collective, scalar energy is a neutrally participating energy wave which alters the state of electromagnetic particles through the properties of resonance, or harmonics. (Scientifically speaking, scalar energy is more field-like than wave-like... and tho it has always existed, it's only recently that scientists have discovered and begun to make use of it. )
The unseens also say that these scalar technologies are the result of the zero-point frequency field which is now available and anchored (by way-showers everywhere) into the activated 5th dimensional information grid system surrounding our planet and that these new scalar wave technologies are only the very beginning of the technological boom about to birth on earth."
To read the whole article pls click here.

Latest message from Jennifer Hoffman I'd like to share...

Ascension Insights --

In the Land of the Obvious, Looking for a Clue
August 25, 2010
Hi everyone,
We're feeling like we're in the land of the obvious and looking for a clue. Just when we are sure that we finally know what we are doing we find out that everything has changed. After months or years of working on ourselves, do we feel any differently than before? Maybe we don't because it has taken us such a long time to get here that we have completely forgotten the person we used to be, and maybe that is a good thing. I, for one, am glad to be beyond the fear, doubt, confusion and uncertainty that I used to have.
What will life be like with my newly learned confidence? As soon as I get back into the world, I will let you know. Like many others, I have also been keep out of circulation for the past few years and I know it was for a good reason but I'm tired of being by myself all of the time. I want to move to the biggest, most congested place I can find and then relish the noise, traffic and busy-ness.
But first let's talk about the obvious because despite our best efforts, life just does not feel obvious right now. What are we doing now and where will it lead us? How can we feel so secure one day and mired in doubt and confusion the next? Why does it seem that just as we are sure of the next step, everything changes in the next moment? We are experiencing dramatic shifts in consciousness and seeing immediate results in our thinking and life experience from the clearing work we are doing now. And we're getting immediate confirmation. Let me share my experience of this week.
First, a little history. I have worn contact lenses for almost thirty years. Every night I take my contact lenses out, put them in a case with saline solution and put the case on the side of my bathroom sink. I do this the same way, every day. So on Sunday night I took my contact lenses out and put the case on the side of the sink. Then I went to bed. Monday morning I got up, went into the bathroom to put my lenses on. But they were not on the sink where I had left them the night before. The case was gone and although I looked everywhere, I could not find it. So I got a new pair of lenses and bought a new case to replace the old one.
Now over the weekend I did a lot of clearing work, on very deep karmic levels. On Friday I went to bed and asked the Council I work with to show me exactly what I needed to work on, the specific past life energy I was clearing, who I was dealing with and to let me know when I was finished so I could look at my life in a different way.
After spending the weekend clearing, I had to get new contact lenses and a new case on Monday morning. The Universe does have a strange sense of humor.
When I was trying to figure out what happened to my contact lenses, I replayed my motions in my head but could only get as far as putting the case on the side of the sink. Is that what happened or am I so wired to remember that process in this way that I can't remember it any other way? Are my memories so obvious that they blind me to the reality of what really happened during my contact lens ritual?
As we are clearing our karma and its energies, we are also learning to see ourselves, our life, others, our potential and the world in different ways. But our memories are so hard wired that every aspect of our life is an illusion which they create. We are afraid to know that there is no fixed reality, as everything simply unfolds from our thoughts. There is no lack or abundance, no joy or pain, no fear or love, except that which we allow ourselves to experience. And if our hard wired memories do not include allowances for joy, abundance and love, then we cannot know them.
That why when we beg the Universe to fix our life it doesn't respond. Our hard wired memories are creating our reality, not the Universe. It's only responding to the reality memories we are replaying for the millionth time.
We can use affirmations, positive thinking, attend countless classes and seminars and work very hard at changing our reality. But until we can go beyond the habits of our memories, we will continue to create the only reality that they allow us to.
I can see myself putting the lens case on the side of the sink but is that what really happened? While it is what I remember but is that what I did in that moment or is my memory of my nightly contact lens ritual so ingrained that while I saw myself doing it, I was really doing something else instead, something that is so out of alignment with my usual routine that my mind could not register it as a memory? Hmmm, I need to think about that.
This gives us food for thought-is life as we are really living it or is it just imagined? How much of our unfolding reality is based on the truth of the present moment and how much is imagined from habit? What role do our memories, in this lifetime and from all of our lifetimes, play in the life we have today? If we were to release them all right now, what kind of life would we be living?
When we ask the Universe for a new vision, a new way of seeing ourselves and the world, are we prepared to let go of all those memories and learn to let life unfold in this moment? We'll certainly have to be present in each moment so we remember where we put things! And by the way, I still have not found my contact lens case...
As you ponder this and the other things that are happening at this time (and Mercury is retrograde, which is a great time for reconsideration), remember to:
Accept all gifts of understanding with gratitude and use them to apply forgiveness, release and healing to every situation.
Ask for guidance and confirmation and then wait for it to come to you.
Above all, be grateful for this opportunity to be part of humanity's amazing shift in consciousness as we all ascend into the miracle vibration.
Many blessings in these miraculous and amazing times,

Jennifer Hoffman

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

August Break Day 24

Today's full moon...the smallest and most distant of the year.
I always loved the moon, esp. when full.
Yesterday I wrote about the things I've been missing and today I want to cheer myself up and remember all the places I've been to already. That might relieve me a bit and give me some patience till we can finally enjoy traveling with Ela.
Beirut...almost my 2nd home for a while and absolute favorite after NYC
Budapest...lovely, lovely, lovely
Dubai...least favorite by far; fake, unnatural, too hot, too much traffic, shallow...shallow...shallow
Munich...favorite city in Germany, haven't been to Berlin, though, so might change my mind.
Nice...beautiful small city which looks like a film set, felt like will bump into Grace Kelly any second ;)
Paris...stayed too short, Disneyland was nice but want to see more of Paris, put on have-to-go-back list
Prague...fell in love with this beauty, beautiful when covered with snow..even more beautiful in spring.
Barcelona...absolute favorite in Europe, nice people, fab atmosphere, great shopping, lively rhthym 
New Orleans...went two months before Katrina so remember it as a very authentic, slightly dirty, very inspiring city with the best Jazz Bars ever
New York...still dreaming of living there for a while, my number two after Istanbul
Istanbul...Janset's number one :)
Plus; Seville, Faro, Zurich, Salzburg, Malta, Cyprus, Damascus, Amman, Cairo, Alexandria, Bahreyn, Frankfurt, Trier, Mannheim, Speyer (where I was born) and a few other German cities.

Monday, August 23, 2010

August Break Day 23

After a relatively relaxing weekend I couldn't help but think about all the things I'm currently missing due to full-time motherhood.
Reading a book I like and don't want to put down for hours and hours w/o interruption - watching whole seasons of TV shows I like at weekends - of course, going to the cinema - going on shopping tours or just window shopping for hours - attending seminars, conferences, courses that interest me - having long, uninterrupted conversations with friends - sleeping through the night for 8 hours w/o waking up - spending the day at the hairdresser/beauty salon - lounging on a sun chair for hours at the beach - being lazy and not doing anything the whole day.
Hmmm..I'd have thought the list would be longer. Not too bad, after all.

very confident now when standing & walking with support...sometimes standing w/o support for seconds (until she's aware)

                                                                                                          Video-chatting with grandma & grandpa

Sunday, August 22, 2010

August Break Day 21 & 22

Another Cesme-weekend has passed...change of location was a good decision..Babylon Aya Yorgi was much more convenient than Shayna since Ela was much more independent and could crawl around on the ground (which I found great since having her on my lap all the time is soo tiring), and the whole place is,  in general, more child-friendly than any other beach we've been to so far...you can easily reach every corner with the pushchair without having to cope with any steps or other obstacles and she must have liked it, too, since she took quite long daytime naps there.
Here're some random shots:

Friday, August 20, 2010

August Break Day 20

It was a nice Friday today...my favorite day of the week, that reminds me of my favorite The Cure song, Friday, I'm in love

...Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...
I don't care if Monday's black
Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love!!!

A good start at Starbucks with dear Nath...then some grocery shopping and quiet time at home with E.


Green lentils with yoghurt...not her favorite but she's too hungry to reject ;)
BTW, I also had her iron level checked today...everything as it should be...I'm glad I didn't start to give supplements right away.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

August Break Day 19 - Committed

I finally managed to finish the book 'Committed' by Elizabeth Gilbert.
The first two chapters I felt like watching a documentary about marriage. Never had I read a book that is entirely dedicated to matrimonial history and cultural aspects and views about marriage in general.
I guess I had expected something similar to her previous book 'Eat,Pray,Love' which I had loved so much.
Then after Chapter Three I found that familiar taste again...although still focusing on marriage the funny, self-critical and interesting Liz was back.
It was both entertaining and informative. I learned quite a lot about the act of marriage. And I guess I liked the book because my views about this legal act are very very similar to hers. If we (Alper & I) didn't happen to be Turkish, living in Turkey, I'm not sure if we (that is, I..) would have considered to get married at all. It was only because we didn't want to dissapoint our families and things would be easier once we had a baby. I've never been a very romantic person who had always been dreaming about wearing a white gown and having a glamorous wedding. In fact, I always had the feeling marriage puts an unnecessary burden on relationships based on love. Somehow love and marriage didn't seem to get along very well.
I've been married for 4 years now, I still don't believe that marriage is a holy thing..but it's true that when you're married, it's much harder to slam the door and leave everything behind. You are more careful and try to keep the relationship healthy and stable. Especially after having a baby. And, of course, the legal aspect makes everything easier to handle when you're married. Especially after having a baby.
Liz is/was much much more skeptical about marriage, also very terrified and cautious (because of a very ugly divorce history). And if you're a big supporter of marriage the constant critical tone might disturb you, but I would still recommend the book without hesitation.

Here're some excerpts from the book;

"Freud defined infatuation pithily as "the overvaluation of the object," and Goethe even put it better: "When two people are really happy about one another, one can generally assume they are mistaken."

"In the end, it seems to me that forgiveness may be the only realistic antidote we are offered in love, to combat the inescapable disappointments of intimacy."

"For there is one thing I have learned over the years about men, it is that feelings of powerlessness do not usually bring forth their finest qualities."

"Ceremony and ritual march us carefully right through the center of our deepest fears about change, much the same way that a stable boy can lead a blindfold horse right through the center of a fire, whispering, "Don't overthink this, buddy, okay? Just put one hoof in front of the other and you'll come out on the other side just fine."

Fresh flowers from a friend...flowers make me feel good..

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

August Break Day 18

Difference between Alper and Janset: my aunt and I planned our Marmaris vacation last summer, booked it in March and went in July. No change of plans. No hesitation whatsoever. Three weeks ago, Alper and I decided to spend the Bayram holiday in Bodrum. I made some research, found a nice hotel, managed to get a good price and asked Alper to send the deposit. Within these three weeks he changed his mind approx. 20 times and just after he finally said "Ok, I'll send the details and money now" he admitted that he didn't want to drive for so long and would prefer to book a place in Cesme. (Don't get me wrong, it was originally his idea..)
Three years ago, this could have been the cause for a serious argument.
Now I just say 'whatever'. I wonder if this state of indecisiveness, disorganization, uncertainty, or whatever it could be called comes from birth or is aquired later in life. That is, can you actually teach a child to be decisive, organized and certain about plans? I think the answer to this is Yes.
Concerning this matter, there's something else I discovered about myself...something I remembered about my childhood...my father used to promise to take us on trips from time to time and then in the end he always found a stupid excuse and we ended up staying at home. This was one of my most annoying childhood experiences.That's exactly why I can't stand it when plans are made and then cancelled for no reason. It shouldn't be too difficult; to think it through, plan ahead and STICK TO IT. Or is it? For many people, apparently, it is.

E. sharing her doll with a friend this afternoon :)

For the last few days I've been thinking about what is still left in my life from the past that I have to release and let go. All the spiritual articles say the same, if you want to enter the multi-dimensional new world you have to get rid of past issues NOW. I thought I had detached myself from all but then I looked at my Facebook Profile and saw the many people from my past (also family members I haven't seen in ages) who were so irrelevant and kind of unnecessary to be reminded of. I decided to open a new account on Ela's name because my parents like to be updated with photos of Ela every week and there're a few people I still want to have such a cyber-connection with. I already feel better...it felt so weird to see into somebody's life who I actually don't really know anymore...and vice versa.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

August Break Day 17 - A Letter To Ela

Dear Ela,
I know that the last few days or even weeks have been hard on you...all the traveling around, getting used to new places & new people combined with unbearably hot weather, and as a bonus your pointy teeth that've been trying to pop out for weeks now. It was a difficult period and I'd like to thank you for being such a lovely kid and trying to keep up with this pace. Especially last week we had some challenging days & nights and I'd rather blame it on the planets and stars! I find it very frustrating not to be able to understand what's wrong with you when you cry sometimes...and I'm sorry I can't help you in some cases. I know that we have different views on certain things, eg. sleeping & eating habits...but believe me, my only aim is to "teach" you things so that in the future you can be an independent and happy person. I have no idea if I can even contribute to that but everything I do now is related to this simple goal of mine. I sure know that the older you get the more disagreements we will have...and I apologise in advance for every second I make you angry or cry.
I promise to respect you as a little person who has her own character and attitude and I won't make advantage of being "bigger" or "stronger". (At least, I will try very hard..)
I'm sorry if sometimes I'm stressed, frustrated and even selfish (like when you wake up at 4.30am and want the breast and I let you cry a bit because I think you need to learn to sleep through there's also a bit of being too tired to bother to be honest)
I enjoy every single second with you, awake or asleep, and I'm looking forward to times when we will be able to play more together, do some fun stuff like painting, crafts and all kinds of activities.
Sometimes (or let's say 'very often' lately) I complain about your clinginess...and I know very well that I will regret these complaints and miss your hugs and need to be 'stuck' to me very very soon.
I love you very much Ela. We're a good team ;)

E.'s latest achievement; climbing up the higher couch...

Monday, August 16, 2010

August Break Day 16

Can somebody please tell me when this heat wave is going to be over?????
Cesme was relatively "normal" temperature-wise...but Izmir and probably the rest of the whole country is literally burning. A friend said she was told that the reason for this enormous heat was the change of the element of fire (till 2012)..therefore, temperatures all over the world would be rising (even Germany experienced more than 40 degrees Celcius which is very very unusual...I remember that we had "Hitzefrei" at school as soon as the thermometer hit 28 degrees...and that certainly didn't happen too often!)
Here's an article about how a heat wave affects the human body...and this is how one feels as soon as leaving a cool environment with A/C:

..and this is my favorite food nowadays:

Sunday, August 15, 2010

August Break Day 14 & 15

Our first weekend in Cesme after the summer house adventure...comfy stay in a nice hotel (Sisus) with nice food and rooms...also nice time at the beach (Shayna)...overall, very nice weekend.

Nice welcome at hotel entrance...
Crystal bathroom lighting..I love crystal.


Trendy girl...even at the beach ;)
Late afternoon nap (woke up very cranky..)

...checking mommy's teeth :p

Friday, August 13, 2010

August Break Day 13

Another extremely hot day is about to end...
After some playtime at home we met Nihan & Omer Selim in the afternoon and spent a few very nice hours together.
Mommy's girl...of course she loves shopping ;))
...and, of course, coffee @ Starbucks ;))

Fun with Nihan :p

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

August Break Day 11 &12

Yesterday was probably the hottest day so far this summer...therefore, we stayed in and spent our day video-chatting with grandma&grandpa...playing around a lot...enjoying the cool environment thanks to the A/C.
I didn't have the chance to write about our breastfeeding issue; Monday morning I had decided to stop but the last two mornings it was hard to console Ela with anything else..unless we want to start the day at 5.30/6.00 of course. And we certainly don't want that!!! So I decided to nurse her this morning at 6.00 and then she slept till 9.00 which I found great. She woke up very happily and was a star the whole day. This way she also just needs one daytime nap and can go to bed a bit earlier in the evenings (20.00). For now I will continue breastfeeding in the mornings (not before 5.30) only and started to introduce some evening milk before bedtime (which she's currently not eager to drink yet).

E. loves to lean on s.th. :)

E.'s currently favorite toy (thx Isla ;)) ...not very good at it yet though ;)
(I wish I could take nicer & clearer pics but I have only a few seconds to shoot since E. grabs for the phone as soon as she sees it..)

E. obviously missed the beach..she insisted on playing with her beach toys...


Then we had another difficult night; Ela woke up at 21:45 and didn't sleep till 23:30..and then she woke up every hour or so...no idea what was wrong with her..maybe the teething..maybe gas pain..maybe blocked nose...
It's so hard not to know what's wrong...I'm so looking forward to when she'll be able to tell me.
But in the morning she woke up very happy and the whole day she was in a very good mood (I hope that will reflect on her night sleep as well! But no expectations of course :))) With all the difficult nights this week I feel like somebody's testing my patience & tolerance..except that I don't know who that is, when the test will finish and if I actually will
have passed :))