-Why did you come?
-Because you needed to focus on your own needs and desires. There was the risk that you put others first and my presence helped you to put yourself on top of your priority list.
-How can I embrace you?
-You must have realized that I'm not that present anymore since you worked a lot on loving and caring for yourself. Very soon I will vanish since we will become one.
Smelly No Name (very strange character; looks like a homeless grumpy old lady, very dirty and smelly)
-Why don't you have a name?
-I don't need a name. I don't want a name. I'm the collection of all your negative thoughts and behavior that you refused to accept and own. That's why I'm so smelly, negative thoughts always create bad smell. Try it out if you want!
-How can I embrace you?
-For the last few years I haven't received a lot of negativity from you but you need to remember and take on those from your past. Meditate and recall them. Forgive yourself and I'll merge with you.
Eva recommended to also have a look at this blog for shadow work.
I really hope I can embrace all my dark sides before I start to reflect them on Ela (if I haven't already done so!). Here's another post from another blog called 'Holistic Mama' concerning this matter.
A few years ago, when I took my first little steps into the world of spirituality and higher realms I was slightly confused because most of the teachings told you to leave the material world behind in order to become a pure, enlightened and spiritual 'lightworker'. However nice this sounds, it wasn't realistic. At least, not for me. I didn't want to leave the real world and live in an Ashram or something just to be more spiritual. I wanted to turn my current life, my actual and real world into a place and space where I could be myself, express my spirituality, raise my awareness and fasten my ascension process. I wanted to learn to separate my true self from my ego, to apply various healing and thinking techniques, to create a higher vibrating environment without having to give up the things that bring me joy, make me happy and most importantly are fun! Therefore, I decided to become a lightworker that still enjoys shopping (shoes&bags!!!), going out, dancing, traveling, reading fashion magazines, watching soap operas and spending time at the beach doing nothing.
I'm writing this because I've read a channeling of Archangel Michael today and esp. the following sentence made me smile;
...the new human might meditate, get a facial, work with homeless people, drink martinis, live in a city, be divorced, channel angels, have memories of being abducted (willingly) on a spaceship for upgrades and teachings…the new human is as diverse and beautiful and complex and unique as the Earth is…
I came across Adele on this blog yesterday and immediately fell in love with the pictures!
She's quite well-known by now so you might have already heard about her but for those who haven't it's really worth taking a look!
Adele's own blog is called Mila's Daydreams but, unfortunately, some not-so-nice people used or maybe I should say misused the photos and even used them in banner ads w/o permission, so she decided, no more new photos :(
Very understandable but I really would have liked to see more of her amazing, super-creative, beautiful, extra-cute photos.
Here's one of the super-cute ones:
It's been one year since the Turkish mommies website http://www.nurturia.com.tr/ went online. I came across the site on various blogs early this year when Ela was around 7-8 months I guess and from day one we became good friends with this space that allows you to ask all kinds of questions (and get relevant and efficient answers!), make all kinds of comments (also irrelevant ones!), get support & help from experienced moms, create groups on topics you're interested in, share pictures and videos, post updates and chat with other moms that are online and actually make quite good friends, not only online but real friends with whom you actually meet and talk.
It's almost addictive since I don't spend a day without having a look at what's going on there.
Thanks, Damla & Gokhan for creating such a wonderful space for moms!
I'm looking forward to announcing the English version! Anytime soon, Damla???
Two days ago I came across this info about the most highlighted passages of all time on amazonkindle.
It's truly amazing to see that so many people highlight the exactly same parts in a book.
Like the following quote below which is Nr. 5 and taken from my favorite "Eat, Pray, Love" by E. Gilbert.
"The Bhagavad Gita—that ancient Indian Yogic text—says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection."
And totally irrelevant but still s.th. I'd like to share; Ela keeps pointing to my Fa shower gel during bath time and while constantly repeating "Fa, Fa, Faaaa" I keep remembering this song since yesterday and sing it to Ela although I really don't think it's the most appropriate song to sing to a 16-month-old :o
It was s.th. like our theme song at university describing exactly how I felt back then. I can't believe how much I've changed in the last 15 years.
The song I'm talking about is 'Psychokiller'(!) by Talking Heads (1977)
And here're the lyrics just to show what I mean :))
I can't seem to face up to the facts I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax I can't sleep cause my bed's on fire Don't touch me I'm a real live wire Psycho killer, qu'est que c'est Far better Run away Psycho killer, que'st que c'est Far better Run away Oh yeah You start a conversation you can't seem to finish it You're talkin' a lot but you're not sayin' anything When I have nothing to say my lips are sealed Say something once why say it again Chorus Ce que j'ai fait, ce soir la Ce qu'elle a dit, ce soir la Realisant, mon espoir Je me lance vers la gloire We are vain and we are blind I hate people when they're not polite
Another one of Ford's practices which asks you to meet your alter egos, give them names, ask them why they are here and how you can embrace them.
First you go into a meditative state, then you imagine a big yellow bus and on this bus you see all your alter egos. All kinds of races, genders, heights, shapes, animals, even monster-like creatures or people you know.
One after the other you take a passenger by his/her hand and go out to talk to him/her in private. You ask his/her name, why (s)he's here, what the benefit of his/her presence is/was, what you need to do to give him/her peace and be one with him/her.
When I did this for the first time it was almost funny to see how eager my alter egos were to introduce themselves. It was as if they all wanted to come and talk at the same time and I found it hard to keep them in a row.
Let me introduce some of them:
- Compassionate Sana who feels pity for others (giving me kindness but also ambition to never be pitied for which, of course, causes stress and fear. Freedom to be gained by feeling compassion w/o identifying oneself with that person/situation and thus feeling no pity)
- Know-All Silke and Lazy H. who are working together, Silke encouraging me to learn about everything but H. trying to prevent deeper knowledge (they said the benefit of this was not to dig to deep and lose oneself in knowledge and missing the joy in life. Freedom by choosing certain subjects to learn more about and creating boundaries while learning)
- Wounded-Heart Bernard who can't forget about things that hurt me in relationships and thus prevents to get hurt again. (Bernard asked me to forgive and let go and accept the fact that all wounds were part of the learning process)
- Little Man Jan, a little boy who didn't grow up to prevent too much masculine energy in my life. (Creating imbalance though and causing me to create this male energy myself and while doing that going too far so as to neglect my feminity. Freedom by allowing Jan to grow up and thus balancing male & female energy.)
- Silent Mick, another little boy who doesn't speak and looks like he doesn't even have a mouth causing me not to express any needs and wishes in order to create desolation to prevent unnecessary attachments and strings on my path. (Freedom by breaking silence without ataching oneself to people/situations/stuff)
- Beauty Queen Sara/Maya/Angelina/Aphrodite/Venus. I asked why she had so many names and she said the beauty she represented could only be found in all women together. It's good to look good she said but when you start comparing yourself with others it gets stressful and damaging. Women need to understand that they complete each other and that each woman has a certain beauty which makes her unique and beautiful.
I don't have much time since Ela's about to wake up but before I forget I'd like to post about something I just read on a Turkish mommy's blog (http://blogcuanne.com/) concerning the safety of slings and similar baby carriers. "The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) recently issued a warning about the dangers of using baby slings, due to the occurrence of three infant deaths that the agency attributed to baby slings." Together with leading experts on baby wearing the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance is now trying to convince people that slings are safe and actually very useful and comforting. I used a sling when Ela was smaller, esp. at home while doing some housework and cooking. It was an easy and practical way of carrying her and at the same time giving me freedom and mobility. Occasionally, I also used it outside and wasn't worried at all about safety. I felt confident, free and mobile. Here's the paper.
And here on Facebook they ask bloggers to write about their experiences to give support to their action.
Long story short, I loved my wrap sling. And so did Ela.
I like routines and so does Ela but sometimes it's nice to get out of it and do something different. Like today.
We went to the Pet Show at the fair with Isla & cutie Ceyda. It wasn't a huge thing and also very loud but it was still worth seeing the lovely puppies/dogs, cats, parrots, ponies, etc.
Followed by some fun time at the fair playground :)
And here's some further info on this month's Full Moon.
Today was E.'s first real playgroup day. She sooo lovvvvvved it! And me, toooo :))
For the first time since she's born she was really independent, excited, playful and very very social. At the beginning, I was a bit worried if 1.5 hours would be too long for her but those worries proved to be unfounded. Actually, she didn't even want to come to me when the time was up.
This might sound very strange and I might be exaggerating but I can't quite explain the feeling this experience gave me. Therefore, I just want to say thank you to everybody who made it possible (esp. you Isla :p)
Unfortunately, I can't upload any pix since there's some maintenance going on on blogspot till tomorrow.
Instead, I want to share the video below...it's one of my favorite songs about one of my favorite cities. This morning we danced to it with Ela and I was dreaming about going there with her...in fact, I was visualizing us dancing around in the streets. And I know that we will spend the most amazing days there with her...
Who Cares For You?
Everyone in our care zone is someone we have a soul contract or karmic obligation with, or have made a vow or promise to in one or more lifetimes. Depending on the nature of our interaction, we can feel responsible for them or believe we have done something we must atone for. In our desire to fulfill these obligations we put all of our energy towards them and forget that we also have an obligation to ourselves, to end this cycle and clear our karma. Without that understanding we are in an endless cycle of trying to care for others and ignore our own needs.
All of our lifetimes are cycles of healing potential but unless we move beyond recognizing our obligation to also heal ourselves, which is shown to us by the healing demands others place on us through their words or actions, our focus is on trying to fix whatever we believe is broken or missing in their lives. We know, from the energy we share, that we may have contributed to their powerlessness or helplessness in some way and we want to fix them. But they are also responsible for clearing their own energy and taking an active role in resolving their own problems.
As we are attending to others' needs, we are trying to gain their forgiveness for our role in their pain and forget that they participated in this process as well. As the saying goes, 'it takes two to tango.' Whatever transpired between us was as much their responsibility as ours, sometimes more. Any relationship in which we feel we must take care of someone contains clues to our own healing and release. What do we need to do for ourselves in this situation to complete it, instead of engaging in cycles of endless giving that will never give us what we need?
We have to remind ourselves that encoded within every relationship is the information we need for our own healing. Fulfilling our contracts is not dependent on getting another's approval, we can make the choice to end karmic cycles and let others be responsible for their own actions. We never get extra points for suffering and by paying attention to our own needs we ensure that we get the care we need so our energy goes where it can best serve our own growth and healing. This week, as you think about someone you feel responsible for and ask what promises you are trying to fulfill and remember that you do not need their permission or approval to forgive and release yourself from the obligations you have created with them.
Message Nr. 2 is for Alper, for me, and everybody who wants to balance heart & mind :
Uriel's Message -- Seek with an Open Mind
As you open your heart to receiving and create a space where you allow yourself to be blessed by the unlimited abundance that is available to you, you must also open your mind so you can acknowledge that there are greater possibilities than those limited by your thinking. When the heart desires what the mind believes is impossible your dreams always seem to be beyond your reach because you cannot manifest what you do not think is possible for you. Your heart and mind must be in balance to create boundless abundance, joy and love and to fulfill your dreams.The open heart transcends the third dimension and creates from higher vibrations that allow the manifestation of miracles. Without the agreement and equal participation of the mind, which is closed when it is grounded in the third dimension, your desires are limited by the mind's judgments. Unlimited creation is your destiny and this is in true alignment with your heart. You must open the mind to allow it to be on the same plane of creation as the heart or you will feel stuck and limited in every aspect of your life.
How can you manifest your heart's desire if your mind is not listening to its voice? When it is closed it unable to access the higher dimensions in your field of potential, in which you find everything that is not in your life in this moment. Everything you desire is possible for you and the wish for it comes from your heart. Your closed mind will see this as impossible; your open mind agrees with the heart and creates the thoughts that make the wish possible.
Without the balance between the heart and mind you become a limited creator, grounded in that which you can know through the mind's logic and intellect. The heart is filled with your dreams, and holds the promise of joy and love that are your birthright but their fulfillment lies within the mind, through which you send out the thoughts that create the heart's desires. Allow your mind to be as open as your heart is so when the heart speaks to you of your life's possibilities your mind is able to expand to include your dreams in its thinking and you will find the abundance, joy and love you seek.
Message Nr. 3 is for me and all parents:
Your Children Chose You
So many parents write to me of how they think they are not good parents because they are divorced, struggling financially, feel that can't meet their children's needs, are not doing the right things or fulfilling their obligations as parents. I know that this isn't true because children and parents choose each other, based on their joint needs within the scope of that relationship and to get the experiences they need for healing as well as establish the karma they will have to deal with. Whatever you are experiencing as a parent and provider at this moment was known to you and to your children before they chose you as their parent.
Even if you are penniless, homeless and living in your car, that is part of the experience your children needed from you as part of their soul journey. The new generations of children have compassionate hearts and some of them need to experience suffering so they can better understand how others suffer. Some need to live with a single parent, father or mother, so they can build that energy within themselves by seeing it in action in their parent. Others want to learn how to triumph over struggle because they failed in a past lifetime, so they will chose a parent who can teach them about experiencing and overcoming financial, emotional, physical or spiritual struggle.
We equate good parenting with providing everything we think our children need on a material level, forgetting that they are also souls on their own path. Everything they experience in their life with you is part of that path. Their learning doesn't start when they are adults, it begins even before conception, as they are choosing the details of their life experience, which includes the parents who will be their best teachers for the lessons they needed to learn and the work they needed to do.
When you think that you are not being a good parent, you can remember that these choices are deliberate and well considered. You chose each other because you could be the parent they needed and you agreed to be part of everything that you are doing right now. So mistakes are not happening and you are not letting your children down. In fact, you are probably exceeding their expectations and doing exactly what they need you to do. Instead of judging your performance as a parent, be grateful that you are doing the perfect job and the life you have with your children is the one they also chose to have with you.
Do you really have to make sacrifices? Even for your family? Or how far should that go?
I believe that the more you give of yourself, the more people, esp. family, tend to demand.
I have dealt with this a long time ago and at some point I realised that creating your boundaries and keeping your own well-being always on top of all others, the only thing you get is respect.
Alper still has to work this out for himself. He's the only person who's supporting and caring for his dad who's in hopsital and can't move. His mom has always been 'using' her illnesses and obesity to get everything done for her and she also lovvves being served. Alper got really mad when she even refused to give her husband some food today. She just doesn't want to risk to lose the luxury of being served and obviously thinks that once she starts to do things everybody will expect it from her. And that exactly is Alper's weak point. He fears that if he doesn't do everything, nobody will. Whereas if he stepped back and made clear that these things need to be shared, everybody would have to learn to re-arrange themselves.
I'm trying to explain this to him as softly as possible. He understands. But he doesn't know how to change it.
I said his feeling overly responsible for his dad is at the same time causing him to neglect his own family and that with time that could bring us all out of balance. Six weeks is a long time.
I believe this is a huge opportunity for him to clear and solve some deep issues he has with his family. I will do my best to be supportive. But I also know that this is his struggle and that he has to go through it alone.
Yesterday we went to a children's activity center called Saysen & Party House with Isla to talk about the possibility of organising a playgroup for kids of IWAI members. During our quick meeting Ela and Ceyda enjoyed themselves in one of the playrooms and for the first time in 15 months I could leave Ela with somebody other than Alper. It was a strange and at the same time amazing feeling! And what's even better is that Isla managed to get a good offer for a Tuesday afternoon playgroup from 2pm-3.30pm.
This simple development truly made my day!
And then this morning I called a Yoga center called IzmirYoga close to where I live to ask about weekend classes and they said there was one at 11am but the teacher was still an assistant teacher and all other classes were during the week. But since I'm just longing for some time for myself-some quiet time without any distractions or worries that Ela will wake up-I didn't mind that it wasn't a very advanced or professional class where I would learn a lot and become a Yogi or something. I went in ecxcitement and was warmly welcomed by Onur, the assistant teacher. After a 1.5 hour-class I felt light and happy. BTW, there was also a family constellation session going on in another room and I would have lovvved to join them but you have to stay till it's finished at 6pm so maybe next time, who knows. Family constellation was my most favorite technique at the Quantum Course. You can get the most amazing information about yourself and family members and create huge changes and shifts. I witnessed the strangest, oddest, weirdest, most surprising, enlightening and eye-opening things during those sessions.
These two new things in my life gave me back a feeling of being free and me again.
The timing is also quite interesting. All the cleansing I've done lately seems to be working and esp. some simple Feng Shui arrangements in my 'Helpful People&Travel' and 'Childrens&Creativity' corners have shown immediate results I believe.
So much for happiness. After the Yoga class I came home and was welcomed by a stressed and nervous husband.His dad went to the supermarket this morning where he slipped on some fabric softener that was on the floor and fell very badly and broke his hip! They immediately took him to hospital and the doc said he needs to rest without moving for at least six weeks. The supermarket people said they'd meet all expenses and for now he will stay in a hospital close to us till next Friday.
He was planning to travel to Istanbul tomorrow so one can't help but ask the question; why did this happen today?
Today was nice, nothing special but there was s.th. in the air I guess. Happiness. Sparkles. Excitement.
Here's E. with her 2nd hand rain outfit :)) ..coat from her cousin, boots from her friend Ani Dilvin (thx Maral'cim, she loved them :))
After daytime nap we visited my friend Julia and Ela played nicely with little Alisa. I feel lucky to have such nice friends around. They make everything easier and brighter. I'm also looking forward to when they start speaking since Alisa is also gonna be German-speaking.
I can't believe it but I think Ela's teething again. She constantly puts her hand into her mouth which is very unusual, is extremely moody like one moment she's an angel, the next she's yelling like crazy. The only relief is that there're only four teeth left to poke through. I want to believe that it'll be easy. Amen.
Today the weather was very disturbing, cloudy but very humid and too warm. It felt like the sky could explode any minute...but so far it's quiet and calm.
Last night, I had an interesting dream, I was a Native American healer (during a past life reading I found out I was a Native American woman with some healing powers and therefore was isolated from the tribe and felt very lonely) who was using spiders for healing. Really big spiders.
According to Native American Animal Symbolism spiders connect the past with the future, creating possibilities...
This reminds me of s.th. Lauren C.Gorgo wrote in her last post about the current energies we are experiencing; ...the process of dying to the past so as to be reborn into a higher expression of consciousness.
I love street musicians. I wish there were more of them around here but it's still not very common in Turkey.
Lately, I've been sharing a simple but very effective quantum thinking technique with friends and friends of friends so I thought I share it here as well so that more people can read about and maybe apply it if they want.
This is called "Giving back burdens & freeing yourself technique" and should be done with the father and the mother first. If possible with your parents themselves but since this is often both physically and emotionally not possible you can either code somebody by saying the name in his/her ear 3 times "You are this and that" and then decode by saying his own name 3 times afterwards or simply imagine it.
Let's assume you start with your dad:
Close your eyes and imagine your father standing in front of you, you face each other, then you hold his hands and say:
"Dear father, I love you and I respect you."
Then kneel down, bend over and say:
"I respect you and I deeply I honor you. I respect your fate. I'm going my own way now to experience my own fate."
Then you stand up, close each of your hands in a fist and put them in your father's palms and say:
"All the burdens and loads I took from you I'm giving back to you now. " (list all of the negative features of your father here, even the ones that don't seem to bother you directly, like his being selfish, being stubborn, being blablabla, his illnesses, his fears, etc etc) and add "All the loads I can't define now and that I will remember later I'm giving back to you now. They belong to you not to me. To you they're not a burden but to me they are. Thank you."
Then open your hands and press your palms against his palms and pull away your hands. Then hold his hands again and say:
"I'm freeing me from you and you from me" (3 times)
Do the exactly same practice with your mother. Think of all of her negative features while you're giving back the loads you once took from her.
Things that bother you about other people, or annoy you, make you angry, or cause you to judge them are said to be reflections of your "darker" side.
Question: Why am I so disturbed by the way my brother-in-law raises his two kids. Giving them whatever they want without any boundaries and almost no discipline? It's none of my business. Why do I keep giving them as "bad" examples. Answer: Because I'm jealous. Because I didn't get everything I wanted when I was a child. Because discipline was always part of my life. Because there were always boundaries. Because the little girl in me is still longing for such a spoiled childhood. Especially after my brother was born. Because till then I did get everything I wanted. And suddenly the little princess was neglected. I'm jealous of these two kids. I'm jealous. Question: Why am I so disturbed by the extremely close relationship of Alper and his mother? Why do I find it ridiculous that an almost 40-year-old man is talking to his mom 10 times a day? Why do I think that's not normal? Answer: Because there's a part in me who would like to have the same relationship with Ela. As much as I want Ela to be independent, free and self-sufficient, there's a hidden desire to keep her by my side all the time. And that's probably the reason for her clinginess. I need to embrace this hidden part in me, accept it and, of course, let it go since this is not what I really want.
I'm quite amazed and surprised by how effective these practices are and how fast I can make such discoveries about myself. Even while writing this post, I'm continuing to discover. I just realized that I need to work on my relationship with my brother. I can feel that there's a lot of jealousy hidden there, too. Jealousy is a very strong feeling. It's also one of the hardest feelings to admit.
I can easily say it now. I'm jealous. I'm jealous. I'm jealous.
The more I say it, the better I feel.