Monday, October 11, 2010

Discovering and revealing more darker aspects of myself

Things that bother you about other people, or annoy you, make you angry, or cause you to judge them are said to be reflections of your "darker" side.

Question: Why am I so disturbed by the way my brother-in-law raises his two kids. Giving them whatever they want without any boundaries and almost no discipline? It's none of my business. Why do I keep giving them as "bad" examples.
Answer: Because I'm jealous. Because I didn't get everything I wanted when I was a child. Because discipline was always part of my life. Because there were always boundaries. Because the little girl in me is still longing for such a spoiled childhood. Especially after my brother was born. Because till then I did get everything I wanted. And suddenly the little princess was neglected. I'm jealous of these two kids. I'm jealous.
Question: Why am I so disturbed by the extremely close relationship of Alper and his mother? Why do I find it ridiculous that an almost 40-year-old man is talking to his mom 10 times a day? Why do I think that's not normal?
Answer: Because there's a part in me who would like to have the same relationship with Ela. As much as I want Ela to be independent, free and self-sufficient, there's a hidden desire to keep her by my side all the time. And that's probably the reason for her clinginess. I need to embrace this hidden part in me, accept it and, of course, let it go since this is not what I really want.

I'm quite amazed and surprised by how effective these practices are and how fast I can make such discoveries about myself. Even while writing this post, I'm continuing to discover. I just realized that I need to work on my relationship with my brother. I can feel that there's a lot of jealousy hidden there, too. Jealousy is a very strong feeling. It's also one of the hardest feelings to admit.
I can easily say it now. I'm jealous. I'm jealous. I'm jealous.
The more I say it, the better I feel.

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