Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sacrifices

Do you really have to make sacrifices? Even for your family? Or how far should that go?
I believe that the more you give of yourself, the more people, esp. family, tend to demand.
I have dealt with this a long time ago and at some point I realised that creating your boundaries and keeping your own well-being always on top of all others, the only thing you get is respect.
Alper still has to work this out for himself. He's the only person who's supporting and caring for his dad who's in hopsital and can't move. His mom has always been 'using' her illnesses and obesity to get everything done for her and she also lovvves being served. Alper got really mad when she even refused to give her husband some food today. She just doesn't want to risk to lose the luxury of being served and obviously thinks that once she starts to do things everybody will expect it from her. And that exactly is Alper's weak point. He fears that if he doesn't do everything, nobody will. Whereas if he stepped back and made clear that these things need to be shared, everybody would have to learn to re-arrange themselves.
I'm trying to explain this to him as softly as possible. He understands. But he doesn't know how to change it.
I said his feeling overly responsible for his dad is at the same time causing him to neglect his own family and that with time that could bring us all out of balance. Six weeks is a long time.
I believe this is a huge opportunity for him to clear and solve some deep issues he has with his family. I will do my best to be supportive. But I also know that this is his struggle and that he has to go through it alone.

2 comments:

  1. You are so right and even reminded me this the other day when we were talking..sometimes we actually let things become our problem because we just dont know what the alternative is...or are afraid of it.I guess maybe Alper is afraid that his mother wont step up and help and his father will be helplto ess. My own experience of this when my father was ill resulted in huge resentment and allowed me to see a parent in a very different light.. selfish rather than helpless...even cruel at times just to maintain their own illusion of themselves...its seem this is the journey he must take to open his view.. i hope the end result is positive for you all and does not become a strain on you as a family as it so easily can. Much Love and Geçmis Olsun to your father in law see you soon xxx

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  2. Thx honey...it's really hard to watch somebody close to you suffer and keep yourself out of the situation but I know that getting involved would just increase the stress on him. And I hope he will use this opportunity to finally get rid of some unnecessary burdens.
    See u tomorrow ;))

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